Adelphia Powerlink Hell

(updated 01-12-2002)

12-13-2001 - I'm being punished. I know I'm being punished. I'm sure this will all be very funny someday, but today has been anything but. In case you haven't heard, Excite@home is going under by March 2002. Because of this, my broadband/cable modem service was disrupted for about 24 hours on 12-04-2001 while the network was being migrated to Adelphia's "Powerlink" service.

After I was reconnected, it became very clear that Adelphia was doing port 80 blocking (probably due to the CodeRed worm). This of course, meant that it was impossible to host this website off of Adelphia cable modem service. So I quickly ordered DSL* and migrated over to the new connection.

Now the fun starts. First came the waiting and what I thought might qualify as frustration. I was on hold for 40+ minutes then accidentally disconnected before I reached a live human being (please note that I use this term loosely). Being a glutton for punishment, I called back for another 40 minutes of "your call is really important to us" in an endless loop. I asked to cancel my service and was told that they have to transfer me to a local office for this to happen (incidentally, I called a local number). Something obviously went awry as I was disconnected during the transfer.

Then came yet another 40+ minutes of "your call is really important to us" before I reached another human being. I explained that I had been disconnected twice already, and would really appreciate it if they could give me some sort of a direct number or maybe speak to a supervisor to obtain some sort of a number in case I get disconnected again. So Adelphia's natural response to this apparently, is to put me on hold. Please try and imagine what I'm feeling at this point when I got disconnected yet again. Unbelievable.

In case your math is rusty, I've already been through 120+ minutes or over two hours of "your call is really important to us" looping. Undeterred, I called again (writing this, I'm starting to think that maybe I'm the big retard). So it's another 40+ minutes of... that's right... "your call is really important to us." This time, I reached a customer service rep named "Chrissy" and tried to explain what I've just been through and if I could please talk to a supervisor without getting put on hold or disconnected. At this point, she actually appeared helpful and said that she won't have to transfer me or put me on hold, and can schedule a disconnection date.

I think this is commonly referred to as the calm before the storm. She proceeded to tell me that I have to be home between 1-3pm on Dec. 20th. Of course, I asked why I have to be home for them to disconnect my service. After all, they seemed managed this without me just fine the three times previously when they cut my line (I don't have cable TV service, just cable modem service. I even got a threatening notice on my door to contact them for "stealing cable."). She explained to me it was because they have to pick up the cable modem.

Now, this would be a reasonable request normally except that I actually had purchased my cable modem from @home (Century@home before Adelphia bought out Century Communications). Naturally, I tried to point this out to Chrissy when the clouds began to roll in. "I'm sorry, we have no records that you purchased the cable modem. So please be home on the 20th between 1-3pm for the techs to pick up the equipment." (I'm paraphrasing of course, but I'd pay anything now for a recording.) After another few rounds of this completely unfunny Monty Python-esque conversation, I asked if I could please speak to a supervisor AND not be put on hold under any circumstances (Ehmm... I smart. I learn. Not slow, just special.). After a bit of struggle, she agreed to take down my phone number and have her supervisor call me back within two hours.

Supervisor "Nicole" actually called me back within about 20 minutes and told me that the cable techs would check the serial number and the MAC address on the cable modem and verify if it matches the one on their records. If it does match, then I would have to return the cable modem or pay a $500 equipment fee. If it doesn't match, then I would have nothing to worry about. This of course, worried me to no end.

I tried to explain that in all likelihood, that my cable modem IS the one they have on record (cable modems don't just work simply because you plug them into the coaxial cable. Headend equipment usually have to be configured to recognize the MAC address of your cable modem to complete the sync handshake.). And if they want my MAC address and serial number, I could just read this off of my cable modem. Nicole then explained to me that there's some super secret information that they do not give out to customers that only their field techs would be able to obtain (presumably by reading the sticker with the MAC address on the cable modem).

I wanted to slam my forehead against my desk at this point. Okay, this is a lie. I actually wanted to slam her head against my desk. I tried to convince her to look at their billing records in late 1999 because I had actually purchased the cable modem the second month I was on the service and got them to refund me the cable modem leasing fee for the previous month as well. If she would only examine the billing records, she would see that I had paid close to $300 at the time.

No good. Apparently their record keeping skills are worse than their customer service skills. She demanded that either I produce a receipt with the cable modem serial number on it, return the cable modem, or pay a $500 fine. The only record I have is a credit card bill that shows that they charged me $345.88 back in October '99. This of course, will not suffice for Nicole because it doesn't have the serial number, MAC address, or the super secret info they can't give out to customers. She insists that since their records show that I have a cable modem that belongs to them, and that they have no records of me actually purchasing a cable modem, that I must not have purchased it. Of course, the fact that they haven't been charging me a cable modem leasing fee doesn't seem to weaken her immutable resolve.

God help me. I suppose I'll try and stop by the local office tomorrow to try and straighten this out.

12-14-2001 - I went into the local Adelphia office armed with all of my credit card invoices (from Aug. 1999-Dec. 1999). The person that I spoke with was Walter. After staring at my credit card invoices and making photocopies of them (which took about 20 minutes), he returned and said to me plainly that they never sold any cable modems (well, I beg to differ) and that @home is well, bankrupt, so it might be hard to investigate. Then he proceeded to ask me if I paid that bill. I pointed it out that it was over two years ago.

Over the course of the conversation, he must have asked me three or four times what year that was (presumably the year that's printed on the bill won't suffice). I pointed out that the first two invoices show that they charged me $62.26 each month. Then two months later, there was a charge of $345.88. Then on separate bills, there was also two credits of $11.29 for the two previous months. Unwaivering, Walter looked at me and repeated that they've never sold cable modems. Clearly, my presentation wasn't the logical tour de force I hoped it was. However, Walter is clearly more susceptible to my Jedi mind trick than Nicole. His will was weak and he gave me his phone number and asked me to call him on Monday after 12pm.

I'm not sure if I should be scared.

01-12-2002 - It's enough to make a man go postal. So, in case you haven't guessed, the saga's not yet over. When I spoke with Walter, he said that he had taken care of everything, and credited me for the cable modem and that I could keep it. Sounds good right?

Well, this month, I received a cable bill in excess of $400. To give Walter credit, he did credit me for the cable modem. However, there was an equipment non-return charge of $500 plus some other oddities. I'll scan the bill when I get a chance. And no, I haven't been able to summon up the will to call him again. Maybe I'll call next week when I feel like I've been bad and need to be flogged.

* I placed a order with dslextreme.com around 5pm on Dec. 4th (the scheduled turn-on date was Dec. 18th). I called the tech support line to ask for compatible models of DSL modems. The tech support picked up in under one minute, asked for my telephone number prefix, and told me the models that I should purchase. I bought a Fujitsu Speedport on ebay and received it on Dec. 10. When I got home at around 7pm, I decided to just plug it in and see, the line was turned on and functioning. Talk about a difference in service.